you point to so many things I’m trying to think through.

First, your reply reminded me of this Fitzgerald quote: “I don’t want just words. If that’s all you have for me, you’d better go.” I remember sending this to some lover, imaginary or real, I don’t even remember. It also reminds me of a Warsan Shire lyric, “you can’t make homes out of human beings, someone should have already told you that”.

I wonder — words, letters, semiotic structures, sign systems, discourse… intercourse. How can we not become nothing? Is our ontological status dependent on/constitutive of meaning making and signification? I guess that’s why thinkers like Kristeva focus so much on the chora, the space of becoming, and the space of pre-signification. Even though that in itself is an impossibility. She does delineate this process in a book, called, no less, “Revolution in Poetic Language.”

There’s also the expression verbal diarrhea which you somewhat point to… but puking words is different that being unable to control the depletion of words without form.

Piles and piles of letters spreading with the wind like a thin dust, swimming in oceans of nonsense, being breath in and out of many lungs; spreading and sickening others.

I am not one and not one is my silence, my sickness.

One would think BEING should be a kind hand at the end of such transitory misery… But it really is not.

Maybe he was right, maybe “the space where we think of each other is its own country, where things are always brightly illuminated” …but maybe he really isn’t…

This happened shortly after we first met. And way before I knew Evangelion, or even delved into philosophy and so on.

Please write more Mitsu.

I find discussion about digital physics and questions about fundamentals fun, however. I work at a synchrotron, and do physics related to electron beams and x-rays. Every now and then, I try to understand some of the different approaches to foundations of physics. I once spent some time trying to understand “bit string physics”…
http://arxiv.org/abs/hep-th/9707020
I found it fascinating, though still not very mature as a physical theory.

“Stories instantaneously bypass the ego. The ego cannot absorb the entire pith of story. The ego hears the story as a form of entertainment. While the ego is kept happy, thinking it is being entertained, the soul and the spirit are listening deeply. The flow of images in stories is medicine—similar medicine to listening to the ocean or gazing at sunrises. No direct interaction has occurred—the ocean did not jump into your body and fill you. But there is something about seeing, hearing, and smelling the ocean that has bypassed the ego, and straightened out many things that were in disarray within the psyche. Some people are remedied by thunderstorms, some by music, some by the voice of a person they love.”

- Clarissa Pinkola Estes: A Life Made By Hand

Later I think I considered the danger again more fully. However, I don’t regret what I did. I’d do it again, or so I hope.

Multi-faceted indeed.

It could have turned out worse for you. But it didn’t. Did you go through any sort of deliberation before you acted so beautifully?

What, do you think, was the impetus behind your action? It’s important for me to understand these things.

I walked around as you do, investigating
the endless star,
and in my net, during the night, I woke up naked,
the only thing caught, a fish trapped inside the wind.

–from “The Enigmas” by Pablo Neruda, translated by Robert Bly