synthetic zero

January 25th, 2014

Years ago I was riding in a car with Sue and she was driving and I was sleeping. We were driving through the mountains. I woke up just as we were headed almost off the road into the chasm below when Sue must have nodded off for a second, just in time for me to yell “HEY!”. I often think that we actually died together, tragically, two young people in love, off the side of a mountain, but since everything that can happen, does, in some universe, this is one of the thin threads of improbability that comprise us surviving and everyone and everything that has happened since then is like the fever dream in Jacob’s Ladder except not nightmarish but sort of fun yet a little tragic and sad and filled with weird interesting characters and people I got to know, like you.

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  1. Magda says:

    I have, recently, wondered when that moment was for J and I. Or rather, I have been trying to make sense of a moment J and I shared in which the universe went upside down, and not figuratively, but actually. We were standing together in a hallway of a lounge where I worked at the time, and we stood there and I had this strange sensation of gravity giving way and that I was actually upside down, but more than upside down I felt a swelling in the air pressure. Although it is hard to describe with the language at my disposal. It lasted several seconds, long enough for me to really feel the discombobulation. At that moment we were both staring at each other, and then in unison we asked each other the same questions “did you feel that?” And we both felt the same thing. I have to differentiate this from some “falling in love, gaze type shit” because I’ve had those with other men and with J. This was physical and intimate with the entire universe. Usually those gazes are personally intimate, an exchange between you and the other person. This wasn’t that at all… it was like the universe at that moment had one of those ruptures of expansion - like a growing pain. We felt something outside of us together.

    This happened shortly after we first met. And way before I knew Evangelion, or even delved into philosophy and so on.

    Please write more Mitsu.

    January 26th, 2014 at 3:24 pm

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